Beautiful Mess

What a beautiful mess I am in. I dream at night of the things I know he can be, that I know we can be. Almost every night I feel the warmth of being in that position again, being in his arms. And then I wake up. And my world comes crashing down. The promises still linger in my head and in my heart, so I wait as patiently as I possibly can. I wonder, I wish, I think, I hope, I pray, I cry, I talk, I scream...I have all of these emotions running through me. I have never been so depressed, sad, upset, frustrated, confused all at the same time. Everyone has their opinions. It's either "everything is going to be okay" or "you will get over this". No one knows. To be honest, no one knows but him. However, I do have this gut feeling that when he is ready to settle down, start his life, and be with someone...he will come back to me. I know he loves me, I can see it in the way he looks at me, I can feel it in his kiss...in his touch. Well, just in case you are reading this, I love you.