Camping, Exams, and Moving Out

This is going to be a really short post. I just wanted to bring you up to date on what's going on and why I haven't blogged in a while. First of all, next week is exam week, so I have been studying hardcore for finals. Second, I have to start packing because I have to move out of my dorm by the end of the week. Third, camping has BEGUN! More to come...

-Ash

Dear Diabetic...

Okay so I took a poll of how many of you had ever had a penpal and the results surprised me. There were more of you that said YES than no. I had never had a penpal until I was diagnosed with diabetes almost three years ago. When I was diagnosed, I didn't know anyone who had type 1 diabetes and I felt completely alone. However, my eyes were opened to the wonderful resources provided by Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. There is a "kids" page where you can be matched up with penpals from all over the world that have diabetes or live with someone with diabetes.

I am happy to say that this program is what got me through my first year with diabetes. It was hard going through all of these changes with no one around me that understood what it felt like. These people became my best friends that year. I even had one steady penpal from Australia! It is all done safely through the website so that no personal information is given out unless you choose to do so. Once I got to know these people better, I gave them my e-mail address so it was easier to contact each other. I know he probably doesn't remember me, but Brendan (from Australia) was like my diabetic hero when I was first diagnosed. He helped me with so much just by giving me information and telling personal stories. I suddenly felt like I wasn't alone anymore.

I know many people may think that having a penpal is weird, but in reality it is a wonderful thing. To be able to communicate with someone based purely on the letters is a gift. There is no judgment, because these people cannot see what you look like or how you talk or dress...they only know how you write. It is completely unbiased opinion and advice, which is also another amazing thing. It is almost like they are blindfolded while forming an opinion about you. I didn't base every conversation with these people on diabetes. We talked about everything...including significant others, schoolwork, sports, hobbies...anything you can think of.

I sort of fell apart from the penpal system after that first year, but I am trying to get back into it. Maybe now that I am more educated and more comfortable with my diabetes, I can help someone else in the way that Brendan (and so many others) helped me. I guess the reason that penpals have become less dominant in my life is because of the support system I have developed within my friends and family. They have all done their best to learn about diabetes and what I go through, so they are more knowledgeable and can help me if I need it. Some people have even done their own research and come to me with questions. I love this because it shows they really care and want to understand my situation.

I'm going to end this with a fun little exercise. I know most people won't do this, but it is worth a try. And if you actually complete all of these steps, it would seriously make my day!
1. Go to gmail.com and make a gmail account if you have not already.
2. Come back to my blog homepage and click "follow" if you have not already.
3. Make a blogger account (even if you are not going to blog), so that you can leave comments (because my activity requires that).
4. Open this link and scroll down to where it says Additional Resources and click on Diabetes Simulator
5. Complete this project for a full day (or even a half a day if you can't take a whole day)
6. When you are done, come back to this blog post and leave a comment telling me you did it and what your reactions to this are

I know you are not required to do this, and it goes out of your way, but please try this for me. If you don't want to do the whole project, at least read what the link has to say. Thanks guys!

-Ash

I'm NOT a Druggie!

One of the worst things about diabetes is the stares. Like I mean come on...lay off. I understand that it is not normal for someone to have a tube sticking out of them or to inject themselves with something in public. Which is why I understand quick glances. But every diabetic comes in contact with that one person who just stares...and stares...and continues to stare until you either say something or leave...or they lose interest. Don't be rude people. I would so much rather a person come up to me and actually ask what I am doing or what my situation is, rather than stare blankly at my stomach or whatever I am doing. I like to educate. I do not like to get snappy, but sometimes I can't hold back. People can just be so rude.

For example, about six months after I was diagnosed, a friend and I were hanging out and we went to McDonalds. We were sitting in the McDonalds, about to eat our food, when I started with my diabetic routine that is performed before each meal. I quickly checked my sugar. At the time I was still on shots, so I pulled out my insulin pen and began to dial my units. When I pulled the cap of the needle off and proceeded to find a good site for an injection, I noticed a lady sitting two tables away blatantly staring at me. I was used to this so I proceeded to stab the needle into my side. By this time I noticed the lady still rudely staring at me, so I announced across the room..."Would you like me to come closer so you can see better?". Embarrassed, she got up with her food and left the McDonalds. Now, I don't like being confrontational like that, but enough is enough. Moral of the story...don't continue to stare.

Now that I have my insulin pump, I don't have the stares when injecting myself. However, when I have to change my insulin in public...I get the stares as if I am some drug user. I stick the needle in the vile, turn it upside down, draw the insulin out...this is the part that people say reminds them of druggies...then I proceed to flick the syringe to make sure the air is out. I get SO many stares when I do this. Sometimes I want to scream out, "I'm not a drug user. I mean come on would I really just whip it out in class and shoot up?!" Ugh...some people just frustrate me.

Well that is the end of my venting.
Goodnight.
-Ash

Soak up the Sun

This post is going to focus on the fast-coming season of summer! Although there are many amazing things about summer and it is my favorite season, there are many issues with diabetics (me in particular) that go along with summer. First issue is heat! The heat really plays with my physical feelings. Normally, I can sense when my blood sugar is low or high...but during the summer it is hard. When it gets really hot, for some reason I feel funny all the time! I can't even sense lows.

The second problem is swimming. With an insulin pump, swimming is difficult. Many insulin pumps are waterproof, but I mean come on...who wants to have a device hanging off their bikini? Mine can be submerged under 8 feet of water for 24 hours straight, but there is just something about putting a piece of technology under water that freaks me out. Not only do I fear it will stop working, but also I don't want to have it fall off my bathing suit and rip out while swimming. So, I have to take it off and then get out of the water every hour to check my sugar. If it is high, I take insulin and either wait for a while or go back in.

The third, and most annoying problem is tan lines. I hate the tan lines that come with wearing an insulin pump. Unless I take out my site every time I tan (which would be way too much work), I get a nasty white circle tan line where my site was at the time I was tanning. So, throughout summer I am polka dotted. Those who I am comfortable enough to talk about this with say it just makes me special. I guess in a way I am self conscious about this, but oh well. It's a part of me. Take it or leave it.

So, that ends my summer trouble blog.
Good night
-Ash

Looking Good

This is going to be an EXTREMELY short post because I am exhausted and have to get up early for work. Things are looking up. First, I got the financial aid needed for my summer classes. Second, I got a wayyyyy better grade on my exam than I thought I was going to get. I got a coaching position for a fifth grade team, which is my dream. And my sugars have been amazing! Like no higher than 157 :) alot better than usual. I'm happy.

Oh and my boyfriend...yeah hes pretty much the best.

Goodnight
-Ash

It's A Love-Hate Relationship

Diabetes...sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it. For example, I love it when I could use it to eat in class or because it has changed me as a person significantly. And I mean that for the better. I have become a stronger and more driven person because of it. However, sometimes you hate it. Like right now for example. My sugar has been running a little high all day today, but sometimes I have off days, so I didn't think much of it. I went to McDonalds with my roommate at 10:30pm and took insulin for everything I ate. We walked around campus for a while taking pictures, trying to study for our exam, and just being silly girls. It was cold so I couldn't notice any symptoms of blood sugar issues. However, when I got back to my dorm and warmed up a little, I began feeling dizzy, nauseous, and just like crap. So, I proceeded to check my sugar to find a reading of 529. I typed in the number to my pump and it told me I was missing nearly six units of insulin! No wonder I am feeling terrible.

So, now is where the extreme hate of diabetes comes in. The fear. I am now afraid to go to sleep because I do not know what will happen during the night. I don't even lay down or put myself in a position where I could fall asleep until my sugar hits at least the 200 area. I hate this feeling. Not only do I hate the feeling of the symptoms, but I hate the fear of my own body as well. This begins my (most likely) two hour forced sleep deprivation stakeout. Luckily in about half an hour my amazing boyfriend will be up for work and I can talk to him. He always calms me down. Its nights like these that I wish he was here to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay, or stay up all night watching me sleep and making me wake up and check my sugar every once in a while just so nothing goes wrong. Oh the things he does for me. I love him...couldn't live without him.

Ugh, the whole situation just frustrates me because I know I will be sooooo super tired tomorrow just because of my stupid diabetes. Well, I am going to play games online or watch a movie or something to keep myself awake. Wish me luck all. Goodnight
-Ash

Handicapable!

A lot of people feel that diabetes is a handicap or disability. It is a disability in a way, but I do not consider it a handicap. When I think of handicap status, I think of the little blue tag to hang in your car window, close parking spots, and a lot more struggle in daily life than I have. I do NOT need a handicap sticker for parking (despite what my boyfriend may think lol). But we are set back in ways such as missing school because of sugar jumps or symptoms of a diabetic attack. In terms of psychologically having to deal with taking care of yourself.

Nevertheless, it does not bring us down! We live our lives to the fullest we can. I know I have let diabetes bring me down in the past, but I am working on the future now. I have a bright future planned for myself and nothing is going to stand in my way.

 I know this was a short blog, but I need to eat dinner and do my homework. Send me some ideas for blog topics!

-Ash