Looking Good

This is going to be an EXTREMELY short post because I am exhausted and have to get up early for work. Things are looking up. First, I got the financial aid needed for my summer classes. Second, I got a wayyyyy better grade on my exam than I thought I was going to get. I got a coaching position for a fifth grade team, which is my dream. And my sugars have been amazing! Like no higher than 157 :) alot better than usual. I'm happy.

Oh and my boyfriend...yeah hes pretty much the best.

Goodnight
-Ash

It's A Love-Hate Relationship

Diabetes...sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it. For example, I love it when I could use it to eat in class or because it has changed me as a person significantly. And I mean that for the better. I have become a stronger and more driven person because of it. However, sometimes you hate it. Like right now for example. My sugar has been running a little high all day today, but sometimes I have off days, so I didn't think much of it. I went to McDonalds with my roommate at 10:30pm and took insulin for everything I ate. We walked around campus for a while taking pictures, trying to study for our exam, and just being silly girls. It was cold so I couldn't notice any symptoms of blood sugar issues. However, when I got back to my dorm and warmed up a little, I began feeling dizzy, nauseous, and just like crap. So, I proceeded to check my sugar to find a reading of 529. I typed in the number to my pump and it told me I was missing nearly six units of insulin! No wonder I am feeling terrible.

So, now is where the extreme hate of diabetes comes in. The fear. I am now afraid to go to sleep because I do not know what will happen during the night. I don't even lay down or put myself in a position where I could fall asleep until my sugar hits at least the 200 area. I hate this feeling. Not only do I hate the feeling of the symptoms, but I hate the fear of my own body as well. This begins my (most likely) two hour forced sleep deprivation stakeout. Luckily in about half an hour my amazing boyfriend will be up for work and I can talk to him. He always calms me down. Its nights like these that I wish he was here to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay, or stay up all night watching me sleep and making me wake up and check my sugar every once in a while just so nothing goes wrong. Oh the things he does for me. I love him...couldn't live without him.

Ugh, the whole situation just frustrates me because I know I will be sooooo super tired tomorrow just because of my stupid diabetes. Well, I am going to play games online or watch a movie or something to keep myself awake. Wish me luck all. Goodnight
-Ash

Handicapable!

A lot of people feel that diabetes is a handicap or disability. It is a disability in a way, but I do not consider it a handicap. When I think of handicap status, I think of the little blue tag to hang in your car window, close parking spots, and a lot more struggle in daily life than I have. I do NOT need a handicap sticker for parking (despite what my boyfriend may think lol). But we are set back in ways such as missing school because of sugar jumps or symptoms of a diabetic attack. In terms of psychologically having to deal with taking care of yourself.

Nevertheless, it does not bring us down! We live our lives to the fullest we can. I know I have let diabetes bring me down in the past, but I am working on the future now. I have a bright future planned for myself and nothing is going to stand in my way.

 I know this was a short blog, but I need to eat dinner and do my homework. Send me some ideas for blog topics!

-Ash

I'm Late, I'm Late...For a Very Important Date

endocrinologist meeting

Being in college is stressful and time consuming. I'm sure there are some of you reading this that are either in college or have completed some college. Being diabetic is scary at times, a lot of work, and also time consuming. It is recommended that us diabetics see our endocrinologist (diabetes doctor) every three months. Between classes, work, and the short hours at my endocrinologist, it has been nearly impossible to get an appointment. It has been almost six months since I have been to see him. Now, it is not that I don't want to go, just that it is so hard to find time.

For those of you who know me well, you would know that as of right now I do not drive (will soon!), so it makes it even harder to see my endocrinologist. I have to find a time when my parents can pick me up from college and bring me in town, all before they close...which is too early, in my opinion. With that said, it brings me to the concerns.

Making adjustments every six months is not a good plan for someone with diabetes. Our bodies change so often that we need those three month appointments to correct the problems in our diabetes care plan. I can admit that I have let myself go a bit when it comes to my diabetes care since I have started college. It just is one more thing added to the stress of being a college student. It hurts me to see the look in my boyfriend's eyes when I tell him I wasn't taking care of myself as I should...and that is why I am going to do the best of my ability to change that!

School is ending for this year in about a month, and I am getting in to see my endocrinologist right away. I am going to make the changes needed and I hope to keep it up. I just need the love and support of my family and friends. Let's get my A1C down and get me healthier!

Goodnight
-Ash

Airport Security Matters

In the poll I conducted on my blog page, most of you said you have never been patted down in an airport. Lucky for you. I have only been on an airplane trip once and I was patted down both times I got on the plane. Diabetics have it hard when it comes to traveling. I understand why they have to take the precautions, but it feels like they think we have some ulterior motive to wearing an insulin pump. Want to know my motive? Staying alive.

You, first, must take off your shoes and all that (like everyone else), but then must empty your supplies from your carry on. Then you must go through the scanner, then it beeps. Of course...because you're wearing a freakin insulin pump! I told you that BEFORE you made me walk through it, so why wouldn't it beep. Now everyone is staring at you because you set off the alarm. You then get the choice whether to go to a private room or be patted down in public. Why waste the time of going in private...just do it. So they pat you down for about three minutes. Then they must proceed to check your body, insulin pump, and hands with the wand thing to make sure there are no other chemicals in it or on you. Sorry I need insulin to live.

I understand why it must be done, just is a little frustrating and makes traveling a little more complicated. I even carry a note from my doctor stating I am diabetic just in case anyone gives me any trouble. Usually they are pretty understanding. I am done ranting about airport security and insulin now.

Goodnight.
-Ash

Trying New Things

Sometimes you "normal" people just need to realize that us diabetics are scared to try new things. I, for example, am scared to do things in which I would not be able to tell what my blood sugar is such as drink, which you shouldn't do anyways, or go skydiving, cause I mean who's gonna check their sugar while falling out of a plane. But the one thing that I am afraid to do that I deal with on a day to day basis is try new food because if I don't like it then I either have to deal with it and shove it down my throat cause I need the carbs or order something new. It's a pain. And people don't understand what it feels like to NEED a certain amount of food or just be able to just push it aside if you don't like it.

I just had a fight with my dad where he was screaming at me for never trying new food and eating only the things I like. Well sorry dad. Try being diabetic for a day and you'll see what I mean. Usually my dad is pretty understanding, but sometimes he can just make me mad. I mean be a little understanding. It's also hard because if you are unsure of the carb amount, you don't know how much insulin to take! That's another reason I stick to my favorites because I know the information.

To all of you out there who don't like my eating habits. I'm sorry you don't like it, but I don't forsee it changing anytime soon...unless of course you would like to give me a fund for all of the second meals I may have to buy due to not liking the first I chose that was "out of my comfort zone".

-Ash

It's like I'm a DIABETIC in a Candy Store :)

our store

As some of you may know, I work in a candy store. It is a pink, castle looking store. :) It is an awesome job and I love it. I cannot tell you how many times a day I hear, "It's like I'm a kid in a candy store". And every time people think they are the first one to say it! I just nod my head and say "yeah!". It's cute. I love seeing all the different people who come in. People come from everywhere to get candy. Sometimes they are just visiting Toledo and see the shop, or sometimes they drive all the way here to get candy from us! We have had people from just around the block to all the way from France! It is awesome to see the older people come in and find the candy they had when they were kids. They get so excited. And it is also cool to see the younger kids come in with their parents or grandparents and make memories of going to the candy shop!

one aisle in our store

Another thing I hear a lot, (to tie this blog into diabetes) is "How do you stay so thin and work in a candy store?" I simply reply, "I am type 1 diabetic". Because if not for my diabetes, I would probably weigh 500lbs and be on bed rest. Being surrounded with candy is so hard to control yourself, but diabetes helps. When people question further, I reply by saying being type 1 diabetic has taught me portion control. Also, knowing that I cannot have a lot of sugar helps me not eat candy while in the store. Last, but not least, is the fact that I have been working there for a year, so candy is sort of just another thing to me now. I don't care. I've been around it for so long that I am not candy crazed anymore.

People tell me that the store smells like candy, and that I smell like candy, but I guess I just don't smell it anymore. Hmmppfff...natural perfume?...to overtake the smell of hospital from the insulin? (more on that in another blog). I'm off to go out to eat for a family gathering. Eating out can be complicated, too. Maybe I'll tell you about that another time. Have a good day, night, morning...whatever it is for you! Peace out.

-Ash